It comes to me that I have ceased to ponder.
Why life?
Why you?
Why me?
Is there ever a stage that these questions cease their incessant buzzing, wave upon upon wave of unbearable curiosity not slaked, perhaps insatiable.
Is this world perfect? This instantaneous meanings that we have been taught to assign each and every mutable, tangible thing... What does it mean?
Language, itself, the first thing we were taught (immersed, drowned) is the very essence of the assignation of meaning. Without meaning what are we? And why are we, driven to seek meaning?
What is...meaning?
Do people have meanings? actions?
candles and roses and things?
Why do words have meanings and people dont?
Why do actions mean something, what are feelings.
Why does one thing mean they like us, another mean they dont.
What is guilt, can guilt exist without a conscience? If I consciously assign meaning that I have caused you sorrow, then is it justifiable that I feel guilty? Is it possible therefore to assume that I have assigned meaning incorrectly that one can be guilty without reason. Then what is the correlation between meaning and reason?
Reason is the why, I suppose.
What does this mean.
I'm sorry.
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
sweet, sweet, sweet!
There is nothing so delightful as honey.
A delicate textured sweetness that dissolves on the tongue,
that lingers in the back of your throat like a light, floral kiss.
Honey.
Makes you feel
sweet, sweet, sweet!
A delicate textured sweetness that dissolves on the tongue,
that lingers in the back of your throat like a light, floral kiss.
Honey.
Makes you feel
sweet, sweet, sweet!
Sing
There are so many things in this world that are important. So many things in this world to do.
I think, your worst enemy and your best friend will always be youself.
The conflict between your desires, the blindfolds you personally put on and tie a knot, you look around you and smile and say
"Thank you! I can see perfectly fine."
These glasses that we wear, that we take up ourselves, these lenses through which we gaze the world....
Have I put on a new one?
Have I taken an old pair off?
Something inside me has shifted and changed. I'm not exactly sure what.
I will wait and see.
I'm going to spend time on my future now. I'm going whisper to it, I'm going caress it, and mould it....
I'm going to sing to you, shape you, make you mine.
come closer...............
I think, your worst enemy and your best friend will always be youself.
The conflict between your desires, the blindfolds you personally put on and tie a knot, you look around you and smile and say
"Thank you! I can see perfectly fine."
These glasses that we wear, that we take up ourselves, these lenses through which we gaze the world....
Have I put on a new one?
Have I taken an old pair off?
Something inside me has shifted and changed. I'm not exactly sure what.
I will wait and see.
I'm going to spend time on my future now. I'm going whisper to it, I'm going caress it, and mould it....
I'm going to sing to you, shape you, make you mine.
come closer...............
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Im looking at a blank page right now, and I'm wondering what I want to say to the world today.
HELLO WORLD!
I am eating vegetarian fried rice right now but I'm sorta confused. Is fried rice vegetarian if it has egg in it? Because techinically eggs that we eat arent fertilised so its sort of not alive.
But hey. That that is my biggest concern right now is and indication of how smoothly my life is running.
HELLO WORLD!
THANK YOU FOR HAVING ME!
:D:D
<3<3<3<3
<3
<3
<3<3<3<3<3
<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3
<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3
<3<3<3
<3<3
<3<3<3<3<3
<3<3<3
<3<3
<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3
HELLO WORLD!
I am eating vegetarian fried rice right now but I'm sorta confused. Is fried rice vegetarian if it has egg in it? Because techinically eggs that we eat arent fertilised so its sort of not alive.
But hey. That that is my biggest concern right now is and indication of how smoothly my life is running.
HELLO WORLD!
THANK YOU FOR HAVING ME!
:D:D
<3<3<3<3
<3
<3
<3<3<3<3<3
<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3
<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3
<3<3<3
<3<3
<3<3<3<3<3
<3<3<3
<3<3
<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3
Monday, November 16, 2009
Sleep
Sometimes, I know. I know I know I know,
that falling asleep is the best, my most favouitest thing in the entire world.
Good Night.
Sleep Tight.
Dream with me.
that falling asleep is the best, my most favouitest thing in the entire world.
Good Night.
Sleep Tight.
Dream with me.
Friday, November 13, 2009
You Are Not Always You
Did you know, being with some people makes you more You.
They make you remember who you are.
They bring out, exactly the side of you that you like being the most.
I found that person.
I will remember. I promise.
They make you remember who you are.
They bring out, exactly the side of you that you like being the most.
I found that person.
I will remember. I promise.
What I want.
In a response to Yue's Post.
I agree, sometimes the big dreams overwhelm the small ones. Actually the small ones arent really that small...
1. Being cradled in an intimate hug
2. Breathing, in a scent of honeysuckle, a breath...overwhelmed in jasmine, but oh! a fragrance so light and sweet that your eyes spring wide with surprise! Your mouth an "o!' of unforeseen bliss and delight. All that is spring has just reached in and stroked your innermost, intimate spirit and left you both more and less...
3. Looking out, feasting your eyes on utter beauty, drinking in viridian green, cerluean blue and losing all sense of you...
4. Breathing.
5. Falling asleep
6. Waking up to sunshine
7. the feel of simple cotton against bare skin
8. Walking out of a steaming shower. Clean.
9. the first drink of water on a sweaty sunny day
10. being stroked.
11. Being warm.
12. laughing, knowing someone is watching you, knowing someone is happy because u are happy
13. Seeing Yue.
14. Watching Nancy look at something else. Watching how her eyes are slanted like a cats, double lidded like she just woke up, tawny brown, like like sunlight streaking through honey.
15. Walking out of a sauna, the first breath. How EASY it is! this breath! It is light and bright and I feel it travelling! through and down and 'round and 'round. Spinning. In. Me.
16. Being dizzy.
17. Drowning. (Open your eyes! You're lost, smothered in beauty, by the gorgeous weightless wet colour of Luminescent Sea-Glass Green. you're going to DIE, killed by glory, because, simply you are too tiny, too insignificant! so much a speck of nothing. But it's OK. because it feels sort of Divine. You will watch your last breath, screamed silently (a rising rill of little bubbles...) stream away from your not-quite-dead body....)
18. Being desired, feeling the weight of all those eyes turned in your direction, cumulated wanting pressing like the desert heat trapped in caverns. Hot. Dark. Dirty.
19. Being wicked, holding yourself justout of someonelse's reach... tantalising...almost! (closer...) nearly there! (come..)...bit more!...(NOT!)...HAHAHAHA!!!
20. Breaking your limits. being THERE when once you weren't.
I agree, sometimes the big dreams overwhelm the small ones. Actually the small ones arent really that small...
1. Being cradled in an intimate hug
2. Breathing, in a scent of honeysuckle, a breath...overwhelmed in jasmine, but oh! a fragrance so light and sweet that your eyes spring wide with surprise! Your mouth an "o!' of unforeseen bliss and delight. All that is spring has just reached in and stroked your innermost, intimate spirit and left you both more and less...
3. Looking out, feasting your eyes on utter beauty, drinking in viridian green, cerluean blue and losing all sense of you...
4. Breathing.
5. Falling asleep
6. Waking up to sunshine
7. the feel of simple cotton against bare skin
8. Walking out of a steaming shower. Clean.
9. the first drink of water on a sweaty sunny day
10. being stroked.
11. Being warm.
12. laughing, knowing someone is watching you, knowing someone is happy because u are happy
13. Seeing Yue.
14. Watching Nancy look at something else. Watching how her eyes are slanted like a cats, double lidded like she just woke up, tawny brown, like like sunlight streaking through honey.
15. Walking out of a sauna, the first breath. How EASY it is! this breath! It is light and bright and I feel it travelling! through and down and 'round and 'round. Spinning. In. Me.
16. Being dizzy.
17. Drowning. (Open your eyes! You're lost, smothered in beauty, by the gorgeous weightless wet colour of Luminescent Sea-Glass Green. you're going to DIE, killed by glory, because, simply you are too tiny, too insignificant! so much a speck of nothing. But it's OK. because it feels sort of Divine. You will watch your last breath, screamed silently (a rising rill of little bubbles...) stream away from your not-quite-dead body....)
18. Being desired, feeling the weight of all those eyes turned in your direction, cumulated wanting pressing like the desert heat trapped in caverns. Hot. Dark. Dirty.
19. Being wicked, holding yourself justout of someonelse's reach... tantalising...almost! (closer...) nearly there! (come..)...bit more!...(NOT!)...HAHAHAHA!!!
20. Breaking your limits. being THERE when once you weren't.
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
What Everybody wants.
They say Girls like stability.
They say Guys like Sex.
They say Girls like funny guys.
They say Guys like Sex.
They say Girls like guys who listen.
They say Guys like Sex.
They say Girls like Gentlemen.
They say Guys like Sex.
They say Girls like Flowers.
They say Guys like Sex.
They say Girls like to be loved.
They say Guys like Sex.
They say Girls like Sex.
Oh gee. Finally.
They say Guys like Sex.
They say Girls like funny guys.
They say Guys like Sex.
They say Girls like guys who listen.
They say Guys like Sex.
They say Girls like Gentlemen.
They say Guys like Sex.
They say Girls like Flowers.
They say Guys like Sex.
They say Girls like to be loved.
They say Guys like Sex.
They say Girls like Sex.
Oh gee. Finally.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Listen
Jubiliation!
Some people can just inspire you. Those are your mentors, younger, older, age is no barrier.
Open your Eyes.
Hear with your Ears.
Listen with your Heart.
They will say things that no one else can listen to.
And your spirit will flower under the Sunshine of their wisdom.
Some people can just inspire you. Those are your mentors, younger, older, age is no barrier.
Open your Eyes.
Hear with your Ears.
Listen with your Heart.
They will say things that no one else can listen to.
And your spirit will flower under the Sunshine of their wisdom.
Sunday, November 8, 2009
Sugar is Sweet
Come to hell with me...
I wonder what it means, that when you say that...
it feels like the sweetest thing I've ever head.
I wonder what it means, that when you say that...
it feels like the sweetest thing I've ever head.
Saturday, November 7, 2009
Don't Breathe
Oh the Possibilities that hover...
Around and Above.
A rainbow of evanescent, pearlescent bubbles,
But...Aye! I fear to reach out...
And touch a single one...
For what could be sadder?
Then a hand that glistens with the traces of dreams,
That cradles sorrow; that cups, utter loss.
Around and Above.
A rainbow of evanescent, pearlescent bubbles,
But...Aye! I fear to reach out...
And touch a single one...
For what could be sadder?
Then a hand that glistens with the traces of dreams,
That cradles sorrow; that cups, utter loss.
Everything is Light
Life moves on. I think that above everything, that's the principle lesson that I've internalised over 19 short years of life.
Your heart can feel like its breaking, literally every beat is a pain in your chest. But...watch a movie. Eat some lunch, have some dinner.
You may want something so bad, that each moment is consumed with the thought of its culmination. In the end, you either get it, or you dont. You are satisfied or you are not. But neither elation nor despair, lasts. Get a little work done, maybe clean up your room.
Nothing exists but that exact moment you're in. You may feel like you are breaking, or that your every breath is light, nectar, sunlight and elation. Perhaps you feel mad, so madMadMAD (MADMAD). But dont tell me you aren't indulging yourself, being selfish, focusing only on yourself. When they told you to walk away from a fight, they were also telling you to walk away from your self.
People wonder, how I can take everything so lightly. But knowing what I know, being who I am, I look right back at you, and wonder how you cannot.
Your heart can feel like its breaking, literally every beat is a pain in your chest. But...watch a movie. Eat some lunch, have some dinner.
You may want something so bad, that each moment is consumed with the thought of its culmination. In the end, you either get it, or you dont. You are satisfied or you are not. But neither elation nor despair, lasts. Get a little work done, maybe clean up your room.
Nothing exists but that exact moment you're in. You may feel like you are breaking, or that your every breath is light, nectar, sunlight and elation. Perhaps you feel mad, so madMadMAD (MADMAD). But dont tell me you aren't indulging yourself, being selfish, focusing only on yourself. When they told you to walk away from a fight, they were also telling you to walk away from your self.
People wonder, how I can take everything so lightly. But knowing what I know, being who I am, I look right back at you, and wonder how you cannot.
Monday, November 2, 2009
Shine for me.
The darkest shadows,
Lie side by side,
with,
the Brightest Lights.
Shine for me.
Don't you know, how much this hurts?
Don't you know, you've brought tears into my eyes.
You're the pulse of every hope,
beating in my heart.
How,
How,
How could I,
Have fallen so far?
You were like this sheer, shorn cliff.
I peeked over the edge,
I saw how far there was to fall...
I took a breath, almost stepped away.
Glimpsed something in the corner of my eye,
Looked up into the Milky Way,
Transfixed, I saw things written there,
Like wings, like love, like serendipity..
In the blazing sky...
I wanted to believe so much,
that I did.
So I kept walking.
But I didn't fly.
Lie side by side,
with,
the Brightest Lights.
Shine for me.
Don't you know, how much this hurts?
Don't you know, you've brought tears into my eyes.
You're the pulse of every hope,
beating in my heart.
How,
How,
How could I,
Have fallen so far?
You were like this sheer, shorn cliff.
I peeked over the edge,
I saw how far there was to fall...
I took a breath, almost stepped away.
Glimpsed something in the corner of my eye,
Looked up into the Milky Way,
Transfixed, I saw things written there,
Like wings, like love, like serendipity..
In the blazing sky...
I wanted to believe so much,
that I did.
So I kept walking.
But I didn't fly.
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Waiting is hard.
Waiting is hard. Knowing that this silence between us, (how nothing becomes so solid...how silence is is not only heard, but felt, touched, tasted...believe it.) is mostly of my doing wrenches my heart. That I have never heard the sound of your voice, heard the beat of your heart, cupped your warm breath between my palms...does not mask the very real comfort your presence brings me.
I know you are there.
Wait for me.
I know you are there.
Wait for me.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Bated Breath.
I want this blog to be the place where I say all the things I don't speak.
First of all.
I was so full of hope yesterday, the thought of you charmed a light from my eyes that I knew was there, that i saw wrought in the reactions of a thousand men and women. Heart of my heart. Amorta. Ishta. Light of my living days.
Where are you today?
If you would but speak to me, my heart would bloom a thousand million roses. My eyes would spangle-shine brighter than the star-clad sky. My spirit-self would swell, and swell and swell, I could love and encompass every blade of grass, each humble ant, each marred, mortal man. But your silence renders me hollow like the lightless echo of a cave.
What is it that leaves me breathless, panting, unable to wait? What esoteric secret, alchemical recipe that makes every moment i have of you, something that leaves me wanting, unsated, for more...Is it your intangible presence? Is it your way with words? Is it your bold thoughts, the manner in which they soar... Far. High. Wide.
I wonder, i wonder... is there ought that could happen? that i could engineer and manipulate to make your heart beat for mine like mine does for yours? I ponder and ponder, a rushing torrent of a thousand twisted, tearing thoughts...
beating like a drum against a barrier.
what use wanting what the other wish not to give?
In that attainment, lies the destruction of that which you hoped to acquire...
Foolish thoughts and more foolish words. The pressing urgency has abated. Desire fleets, the fickle witch. I want. I want. I want no more.
First of all.
I was so full of hope yesterday, the thought of you charmed a light from my eyes that I knew was there, that i saw wrought in the reactions of a thousand men and women. Heart of my heart. Amorta. Ishta. Light of my living days.
Where are you today?
If you would but speak to me, my heart would bloom a thousand million roses. My eyes would spangle-shine brighter than the star-clad sky. My spirit-self would swell, and swell and swell, I could love and encompass every blade of grass, each humble ant, each marred, mortal man. But your silence renders me hollow like the lightless echo of a cave.
What is it that leaves me breathless, panting, unable to wait? What esoteric secret, alchemical recipe that makes every moment i have of you, something that leaves me wanting, unsated, for more...Is it your intangible presence? Is it your way with words? Is it your bold thoughts, the manner in which they soar... Far. High. Wide.
I wonder, i wonder... is there ought that could happen? that i could engineer and manipulate to make your heart beat for mine like mine does for yours? I ponder and ponder, a rushing torrent of a thousand twisted, tearing thoughts...
beating like a drum against a barrier.
what use wanting what the other wish not to give?
In that attainment, lies the destruction of that which you hoped to acquire...
Foolish thoughts and more foolish words. The pressing urgency has abated. Desire fleets, the fickle witch. I want. I want. I want no more.
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